I’m a planner.
I like to look ahead and prevent the possibility of future crises. This serves me well in many situations. But sometimes trying to plan becomes so overwhelming I create my own crisis.
You know that out-of-control feeling you get when you see a hundred different things that could go wrong and want to make a plan for every scenario? What if nothing goes wrong? What if everything goes wrong at once? When I have these thoughts, it’s not long before I’m overwhelmed and can’t think at all.
I get frustrated. My heart races. A headache starts on the left side of my skull with a strange pulse in my forehead. I want all the things I can’t control to go away. It’s more than I can handle.
What is God’s will for me when the surrounding needs are so great, and I’m so overwhelmed I don’t know what to do next?
Today is the celebration of Passover, the day Jesus ate his last meal with his disciples then brought them to the garden of Gethsemane. He knew the day we call, “Good Friday” was coming and his soul was “deeply grieved to the point of death”.
And he went a little beyond them, and fell to the ground and began to pray that if it were possible, the hour might pass Him by. And He was saying, “Abba! Father! All things are possible for You; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You will.”
Mark 14:35-36 (NASB)
Sometimes, I sense a whisper of direction from God, but I’m scared to do it. I don’t want to do it. There are a million reasons it makes no sense. My life is more than I can handle. If I say, “yes” to one more thing I will break.
But the same day a (hypothetical) person known for being hard to please, asks me to help them out. What they are asking will cause havoc on the small amount of order I have worked so hard to establish in my life. I help this person anyway because it is easier than saying no. Later I tell myself I’ve done a good thing. I’ve served the Lord and helped a friend. But the next day, while I am feeling sick and struggling to take care of my responsibilities, the same person informs me of their fun outing and thanks me for making it possible.
Now I feel worse. I spent energy I knew I didn’t have on something God probably didn’t even want me to do. How much time, energy, and resources have I wasted on so-called service to God when I’ve failed to listen to what he wants?
Outside the garden of Gethsemane, thousands of people with needs surrounded Jesus. There was an untold number of good things he could have done, yet he went to a place beyond his disciples and prayed to know what God the Father wanted him to do.
He prayed about the one thing he needed to do. The one thing he wouldn’t do if there was any other way. “Remove this cup…” But there was no other way. “Not what I will, but what You will.”
God the Father and God the Son are one. They can not act in contradiction to one another. Jesus did the will of his Father and accomplished the greatest act ever done.
Planning to prevent a crisis in my life is a good thing. Lending a hand to a friend who asks for my help is a good thing. Seeing a need and meeting the need is a good thing. But good things are not always the right thing. Especially when they initially put me in control, but later my life is out of control.
Sometimes the right thing will bring me to my knees, praying for another way. It’s beyond my physical ability and looks impossible. It’s beyond me, outside my control, I can’t do it. When I sense the time approaching, fear and anxiety overwhelm me. If God can do all things, what does he need me for?
Then I’m reminded…
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13 NASB
I chant the words over and over in my thoughts, “God, I can’t do this. I need your help.”
My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:9 NASB
When the time comes, my hands are shaking, but I take the first step as though it’s an out-of-body experience.
When I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:10 NASB
Then the pieces start to fall into place. God’s plan and purpose make more sense. It may take years to understand fully, and some things may never make sense on this earth, but I thank the Lord every day as I live free from my chaotic need to plan. In these times my thoughts are at peace, knowing I am where God wants me to be and doing what he wants me to do.
Originally written Nov 9, 2016, with the title “Nailed to the cross of our own idea of goodness”.