Do you ever wonder if anyone really knows you? Are you exhausted from trying to please everyone and tired of pretending? For today’s discussion, I’m playing the role of HOST while sitting on my front patio with three guests.
HOST:
To my left in the red chair, we have my confident friend, SHOW, who strives to be true to herself.
In the blue chair on my right, we have my quiet buddy, DON’T TELL, a likable guy who says little unless he knows others want to hear.
In the driveway is BESSY. She’s provided years of faithful transportation and strives to keep her old wheels rolling on the ground.
So, SHOW, why don’t you tell us more about yourself, and keep in mind our discussion topic on pretense.
SHOW:
Thanks. It’s great to be here! You know, everyone says we need to be ourselves and stop pretending. I consider myself on my way to achieving just that. At my daughter’s birthday party last weekend, my celebration mood went down the toilet with one of my favorite earrings. So I told my daughter, “I’m pissed with life, so don’t expect me to help you and your friends have fun. Those earrings meant a lot to me.”
HOST:
Okay, thanks for sharing. I’m curious, how did your daughter respond?
SHOW:
Oh, she said I embarrassed her in front of her friends, that I hurt her feelings, and I don’t care about her. I mean, I’m all for her having a good time, only she can’t expect me to pretend to be in a party mood or get upset with me for staying true to myself. I’m just being honest.
HOST:
Honesty is a good thing. Sounds like your daughter also expressed her honest feelings. DON’T TELL, what do you think?
DON’T TELL:
(Long pause). Well, I can understand what SHOW is saying. I often ache to express my true thoughts and desires, but not if it disappoints someone.
I hate fallout. I’ve created painful messes that zapped far more of my energy than if I held my tongue. I won’t make that mistake again. Still, holding back for the sake of others eventually wears me down too, especially when I see others like SHOW, expressing themselves. Tension builds in my gut. I handle the pressure okay with friends and coworkers, but since we’re being honest, sometimes I explode at home.
HOST:
Yes. When to express your feelings or keep them to yourself is a tricky dilemma. And how about you, BESSY? Anything to add?
BESSY:
I can only share what I’ve learned while seeking to travel the solid road of truth. The auto manufacture created me for transportation. You can call me Bessy, Baby, or Lightning McQueen, but I’m still a car. Imagine the lunacy of declaring myself a hat for humans to wear on their heads.
HOST:
Alrighty. Thanks, BESSY. But I’m wondering, how do cars and hats apply to this discussion?
BESSY:
Oh, I’m just making my first point, dearie—if you’re a car, don’t claim the purpose of a hat.
HOST:
Gotcha. We are discussing pretense, after all. Is there a second point?
BESSY:
I’m reminded of the time my front tire jammed into a large curb, throwing off my alignment. With no obvious harm done, the problem went unnoticed until the tread of my four tires wore bare prematurely. I could say, that’s how I am. I wear out tires quickly, or I could say, I have a problem that needs solving.
SHOW:
You know, BESSY, you talk like you should earn a metal or something. I can’t put my finger on it, but I sense your condescension.
HOST:
As stated before this interview, we’re not here to judge anyone, only to discuss reality.
BESSY:
That’s it, exactly. I’m sorry for your impression, SHOW. I have no intention of belittling or condemning anyone, it’s just that truth can sound hostile if it challenges a misguided notion. A car can’t change its mind and decide it’s a hat. However, a mood is influenced by a state of heart and mind. If your mood is causing problems, your heart can change your thinking and thus change your mood.
DON’T TELL:
What about me, BESSY? I assume what you’re saying applies to me somehow.
BESSY:
The other day, it distressed my owners when my engine started making a strange ticking sound. I didn’t hide my problem, which was sure to grow worse without maintenance. But once my owners noticed my issue, I did my best to hold myself together without stressing them further, until they drove me to the mechanics.
Destructive pretense seeks to hide from the truth. When the problem creeps out anyway, human instinct deflects the problem elsewhere, but truth acknowledges when there’s a true problem close to home. Honesty determines the origin of the issue and whether it’s self-imposed, inflicted by others, circumstantial, or any combination of the three. Logic considers the big picture for all involved.
HOST:
Interesting. What about a third point?
BESSY:
Problems are a part of reality, but so is love. Love does its best to bear up under the circumstances while including the ones you love in seeking a solution.
HOST:
I think we all agree that to escape pretense, we must accept the truth about reality. And if reality has left you feeling like a Pinto spinning its wheels in three feet of mud, stay tuned over the next month or two as we look at moving from an overwhelmed existence to a heart of peace.
“Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.”—Proverbs 12:19
“The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.” —Psalm 145:18